Mackem jokes that tickle your pickle pet!

What happened to the mackem tap dancer?
She fell down the sink.



How can you tell when a Mackem lass has a orgasm?

She drops her chips



A burglary was recently committed at Sunderland's ground and the entire

contents of the trophy room were stolen. The police are looking for a man
with a Red and white carpet.



Monkey Reid was caught speeding on his way to the Stadium of Sh*te today.

"I'll do anything for 3 points", he said when questioned.



Why should Sunderland fans be buried 100 feet deep?

Because deep down, they're really good people.



A man goes into a pub with an alligator under his arm.

"Do you serve Sunderland fans in here?" he asks.
"Certainly Sir, no problem at all," replies the barman, nervously staring at
the alligator.
"Okay," says the man, "a pint of lager for me and a Sunderland fan for the
alligator."



A Mackem was on trial for armed robbery. The jury comes out and the foreman announces, "Not guilty."

"Wonderful," shouts the Mackem. "Does that mean I can keep the money?"



A woman goes into a bar with a little Chihuahua dog on a leash. She sits

down at the bar next to a drunk.
The drunk rolls around, leans over, and "Splat! " He pukes all over the dog.
The drunk looks down, sees the little dog struggling in the pool of vomit,
and slurs, "Funny, I don't remember eating that!"



A young man from the city went to visit his farmer uncle. For the first few

days, the uncle showed him the usual things - chickens, cows, crops, etc.
After three days, however, it was obvious that the nephew was getting bored,
and the uncle was running out of things to amuse him with.
Finally, the uncle had an idea. "Why don't you grab a gun, take the dogs,
and go shooting?" This seemed to cheer the nephew up, and with enthusiasm,
off he went, dogs in trail.
After a few hours, the nephew returned.
"How did you enjoy that?" asked the uncle.
"It was great!" exclaimed the nephew. "Got any more dogs?"



A guy is walking past a big wooden fence at the insane asylum (high time

they put that fence around Scumderland) and he hears all the residents
inside chanting, "Thirteen! Thirteen! Thirteen!"
Quite curious about this, he finds a hole in the fence, and looks in.
Someone inside pokes him in the eye. Then everyone inside the asylum starts
chanting, "Fourteen! Fourteen! Fourteen!"



A little guy was sitting next to a big guy in a bar and said, "Hey, wanna

hear a good Mackem joke?" The big guy frowned and answered, "I just happen
to be from Sunderland. You see those two big guys at that end of the bar?
Mackems. That mean lookin' son-of-a-bitch bartender, he's a Mackem too. Do
you still want to tell your Mackem joke?" The little guy looked around and
said, "Nope." "What's the matter?" asked the big guy. "Are you afraid that
we'll beat the shit out of you?" The little guy looked up at him and said,
"No, I just don't want to have to explain the punch line four times."



Monkey heed walks into the dressing room before the Mackems biggest game of the season and there's a massive crap in the middle of the floor! "Who's crap on the floor!?!" he says. Quinny stands up and says "Me Gaffer! But I'm not bad in the air!



What do you say to a Mackem in a suit?

'Will the defendant please rise.



A Mackem is walking along South Shields beach with his scrawny, flea-bitten, 1 ear 3-legged dog when he finds a magic lamp and rubs it. A big cloud of smoke escapes from the lamp along with a genie. "You have released me from 1000 years of torture being stuck in this lamp, for which I will grant you one wish", explains the genie. The Mackem thinks about it for a moment before coming to a decision. "I love my dog so I wish for my dog to become perfectly healthy, to have 4 legs again and 2 ears!" The genies face turns to horror."I am a genie but I am not a miracle worker!" The Mackem comes up with another wish."I'd like Sunderland to win the Premier League". "Give me another look at the dog again!"



The fire brigade phones monkey heed Peter Reid in the early hours of the morning. "Mr. Reid sir, stadium of light is on fire". "The cups man, save the cups!" shrieks Peter. "Erm, the fire hasn't spread to the canteen yet, sir".



A Mackem fan walks into a pub with his dog just as the football scores come on the TV. The announcer says that Sunderland have lost 3-0 and the dog immediately rolls over on its back, sticks its paws in the air and plays dead. "That's amazing," says the barman. "What does he do when they win?" The Mackem Fan scratches his head for a couple of minutes and finally replies: "I dunno.... I've only had the dog for eight months.



A reporter is Interveiwing Peter Reid and Alan Curbishley. He first asks Peter what his long term plans for Sunderland are. Peter replies "Well, I see us becoming a good, average Premiership team, who don't even get involved in relgation issues.". The reporter then puts the same question to Alan of Charlton, who answers" I think that, now we have secured promotion, we will be able to mount a succesfull challenge to the Premier League title. Once in Europe, we will carry off the European cup for the next 5 years. "Don't you think that's a little bit over-optimistic, Alan?", asks the Interviewer, to which Alan replies "well, Peter started it."



A Mackem visits an orchard and asks how much the apples are. "You can pick as many as you like for a fiver" he is told. "Great" he replies "I'll have a tenners worth".



There was this group of people on a tour-bus. The guide on the bus asked if anyone on the bus could tell the rest a joke, where upon a man got up and said that he could tell a Mackem joke. Suddenly a bloke in the back of the bus said, "No, don`t do that. I'm a Sunderland fan. "The guide looked at him and said, "That's okay. We'll explain it to you afterwards."